Jokes (2011-02)

Difference between U. S. and the Philippines…
In the U. S., you can KISS in public but can’t PISS in public..

In the Philippines, you can PISS in public but you can’t  KISS in public.
 
So faithful….
GF: “Babe ano gawa mo?”
BF: “Wala naman eto pagod at inaantok na, ikaw babe?”
GF: “Eto nasa club pinagmamasdan ka.”
 
Lito Lapid applying for a job….
Lito Lapid was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure what to answer to the question, “SALARY EXPECTED.”
After much thought, he wrote, “YES Expected!”
 
Stolen Girlfriend’s number…
GUY: (laughing) “My friend has stolen my girlfriend’s number from my cell..”
FRIEND: “So what’s next?”
GUY: “The idiot is sending romantic messages to his own sister.”
 
Modern Break up:
GIRL: “I’m breaking up with you.”

BOY: “Why baby?”
GIRL: “Because you didn’t comment on my Facebook status.”
 
In a Palmolive shampoo commercial…
“What’s the Perfect Age to be a Woman?”

KC: “Ask Piolo!”
 
Sa barberya..
LALAKE: “Magkano ang gupit?”

BARBERO: “P150.00”
LALAKE: Paano naman kung ahit lang?”
BARBERO: “P50.00”
LALAKE: “Sige, ahitan mong ulo ko!”
 
 
Pagharap sa problema…
Boy: pag tayo nah, sabay nating haharapin ang mga problema…
Girl: wala naman akong problema eh..
Boy: kasi nga hindi pa tayo..wag ka ngang excited..!hehhe
 
For Women who say…
“ALL MEN ARE THE SAME,”
Someone posed a question…

“Who told you to try ALL OF THEM?”
 
Inday joke…
Inday : ma’am , nang naka alis na kayo kanina nakalunok ho ng ipis si baby ….
Amo : haaah ?
Inday ; pero huwag na kayong mag alala ma’am pina –inom ko nap o ng BAYGON.
 
Inday uli
Amo : day kung pagbibigyan mo ako at hindi ka magsosombong sa ate mo , tataasan ko suweldo mo.
Inday : hindi man ako maniwala sayo ,sir,kasi yun din ang sabi ni Ate sa driver natin.
 
Inday pa…
Amo : Yaya, ilipat mo nga itong comforter doon sa kwarto ko.
Yaya : Opo, ma’am.
(Pagkaroon ng ilang oras…..)
Amo : Yaya, nalipat mo naba ang comforter doon sa kwarto ko?
Yaya : Opo, ma’am. Nalipat ko napo ang comforter pati na ang CFU at Frinter.
 
Elevator ride…
Dalawang probinsyano sumakay sa elevator.
Una : Magkano kaya ang ibabayad natin?
Ikalawa: Bobo! Bakit ka magbabayad, eh, wala pa ang konduktor
 
Maawaing Killer…
Unang killer: Pare, sigurado ka bang ditto dadaan ang papatayin natin?
Pangalawang killer: Oo. Nagtataka nga ako, isang oras na tayo ditto wala pa rin sya! Sana ……ay………….sana naman..walang nangyaring masama sa kanya!
Unang killer: Ngeeeh!
 
Tindera….
Bata: (pasigaw) pabili nga ng safeguard!
Tindera: (galit na sumigaw) eh wag kang sumigaw. di ako bingi ano bang sim card? Globe o Smart ?
 
Batman…
Isang lasing nakakita ng madre na maitim…bigla nyang sinuntok, tinadyakan, at binalibag..bugbog sarado ang madre. Tapos tumawa ang lasing at sinabi
“Wala ka palang binatbat BATMAN!”
 
Spelling…
Boy 1: Pare magaling na ako sa spelling!
Boy 2: Sige nga spell mo yung “orange”…
Boy 1: hehehe…nililito mo ko noh?…anong orange ba yun? Yung prutas o yung kulay?
 

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“Oh to have a good time.Take me, far away, anywhere. As long as it’s fun fun fun fun fun fun fun I wanna go!” (Pharell)

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