I thought of my eldest son (by the way, when I talk of my children, it’s just my eldest son and my youngest son) and how he is doing. How I can guide him in developing a business.
I thought of my youngest son, and how he’s faring in his studies. How I can lead him towards his dream of being a doctor someday.
I thought of my wife, and how she’s doing in her clinic and coping with my absence, add up the attention and understanding she must give to a hopeful, aspiring, diligent young man and an energetic, pasaway, attention-getter adolescent.
I thought of my mother, and how she’s coping with her old age, her weakening body, her shortening steps and the little joys she gets from her apo and her daughters, teledramas, eat bulaga, jose and wally.
I resolve that whatever I do here, whatever is the reason I am here, whatever I achieve here is for them.
I am sacrificing, I am fighting loneliness, I am struggling to keep my spirit alive because of them.
I patiently and dramatically wash (now I understand why it is called soap opera) and iron my clothes, make do with my lunch of kaning lamig and my own style of cooking (you have to revise menu here, like for sinigang, I put lettuce instead of kangkong, etc).
I have to make do with the haircut I get from Indian barber, breakfast of khubos, instead of pandesal (hmmm, however, khubos comes with sautéed ground beef swimming in tomato paste). I have to wear loads of sweaters and layers of blankets to fight off cold in the winter, and squeeze my towel and handkerchief of perspiration during summer.
All because of them.
But at the end of the day, when I am contemplating my life and my family, it comes down to, I am doing this because I want my family to succeed, my children to be progressive, so that we can extend this progress to other people. So that we will not be burdens to others, instead, help and give inspiration to them.
A smile lights up my face. I am doing these because I believe God tells me so. My family trusts me in doing these because they believe God asks them to. And we are into this because we believe this is the way God wants us to be.
I believe that my wife is smiling. I believe my eldest and my youngest are beaming. I believe Nanay is having her gaptoothed grin with my sisters.
God I offer everything to you.
“Things in the past, things yet unseen. Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true. All of my heart, all of my praise. My heart and my hands are lifted to You. Lord, I offer my life to You. Everything I’ve been through, use it for Your glory. Lord I offer my days to You. Lifting my praise to You as a pleasing sacrifice. Lord I offer You my life.” – Don Moen