LOLO: “Pakiabot nga ng posporo!”
LOLA: “Nasa tabi mo na ang Gasul a!”
LOLO: “So, gusto mo Gasul ipanlinis ko ng tenga ko?”
Lady outside a phone booth: “Excuse me, sir? Beynte minutos ka na riyan sa telepono pero di ka nagsasalita.
MAN: “Pwede ba?! I’m talking to my wife!”
If a girl vomits, parents ask, “Who’s the Bastard..?”
If a guy vomits, parents say, “Bastard!… Why are you drunk?”
MORAL: No matter who vomits, men will be called BASTARDS!
Sa America, kapag nawalan ng kuryente, tumatawag sa power company.
Sa Japan naman, tine-test ang circuit breaker.
Pero sa Pilipinas, tsine-check kung meron ang kapitbahay.
ADVICE FOR WOMEN:
Do not play with dogs, you may get RABIES..
Do not play with men, you may get BABIES!!!
Daga takot sa pusa,
pusa takot sa aso,
aso takot sa tigre,
tigre takot sa hunter,
hunter takot sa asawa at finally, asawa takot sa daga.
MAYAMAN VS MAHIRAP – MEDYO BASTOS EDITION
Kung mayamang babae ka, ang tawag sayo ay “liberated”.
Pero kung poor ka ang tawag sayo “makati”.
Kapag ikaw ay rich, makulay ang damit at sexy, “fashionable ka”.
Kung poor sigurado “japayuki” ka na.
Kung mayaman at tamad ka, ang tawag sayo “free spirited”.
Kung poor ka, “nagpapalaki ka ng ari”.
Kung rich ka at malaki harapan mo, ang tawag sayo “well-endowed”.
Kung poor ka, “kapos palad” dahil kapos ang palad ng guy kapag hinawakan harapan mo.
Kung rich ka at sobra laki ang ari mo, ang tawag sayo “gifted”.
Kung poor, “hampas lupa” kasi humahampas na sa lupa.
WAGAS NA PAGMAMAHAL
BOY: “I may not have expensive cars, houses, & may not be as rich as Berto, but I sincerely do love you & care for you.”
GIRL: Nangingilid ang luha na niyakap ang boy ng mahigpit and whispered, “If you really love me.. introduce me to Berto!”
POWER OF MATH
One day, a box can’t be opened..
Lawyer applied all laws but wasn’t able to open it.
Chemist came, applied all formulas but wasn’t able to open it..
Physician applied all force but wasn’t able to open it.
Then Mathematician said..
“Let us assume the box is open.”
RICK: “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year, I’m going to do it a bit different. Three years ago, I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago, I went to Italy and Mary God pregnant.
Last year, I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.”
MARK: “So what are you going to do this year?”
RICK: “I’ll take her with me!”
JUAN: “Pare nakakahiya tayo.”
PEDRO: “Bakit naman?”
JUAN: “Yung matanda nakatayo, tayo nakaupo. Ayoko makakita ng matandang nahihirapan.”
PEDRO: “Ako rin eh. Tara…PIKIT TAYO!!
Do you know what a Nervous Wreck is?
A man with a housing loan amortization, a car loan amortization, 2 girlfriends…
AND THEY’RE ALL A MONTH LATE!
Before a woman became engaged, she was a beauty and she didn’t mind letting her boyfriend know it too.
“A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry,” she told him.
“Really?” ask the boyfriend. “And just how many are you planning to marry?”
A man was seen fleeing a hospital. “What’s the matter?” he was asked.
He said, “I heard the nurse say, “It’s a very simple operation. Don’t worry, it will be all right.”
“She was trying to assure you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!”
Boss asks the Applicant, “Alam mo ba ang pangalan ng kompanyang ito?”
The Applicant answers, “Opo, ang kompanya pong ito ay PUSH.”
Boss exclaimed “Saan mo nalaman na iyan ang pangalan ng kompanya namin?”
Applicant irritatingly answers, “Hellooooo! Nakasabit kaya ang PUSH sa pintuan ninyo!”
“Remember I made you eat crab apple. And you were sick for a week. Then I stuck your sucky up the chimney. Till you cried for a week. Then I killed your canary with the hair dryer. And kicked you just to see you bruise. Purple and blue I was only joking my dear” – Rhatigan