WARAI NO JIKAN (JOKE TIME)

FACEBOOK STATUS
A man posted in his Facebook account:
“I am the boss of the house…
I have my wife’s permission to say so!”


BANAT:
Para kang asin.
Bagay na bagay sa itlog ko.


PATIENT: “Doctor, you told me I have a month to live, and then you sent me a bill for 100,000! I can’t pay that before the end of the month!”
DOCTOR: “Okay, you have six months to live!”


BOY: “May titulo ka ba?”
GIRL: “Bakit?”
BOY: “Kasi pagkakita ko palang sa iyo, parang pagmamay ari na kita.”
GIRL: “Ganun? May Table of Contents ka ba?”
BOY: (napaisip) “Bakit naman?”
GIRL: “Ang kapal mo kasi.”


MGA HINAING

“Hindi ako aalis sa harap ng bahay nyo!” – GATE
“Bakit ba ako na lang lagi ang pinag-iinitan nyo?” – TAKURE
“Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang ako pinagpapasahan, pagod na ako” – BOLA
“Hindi naman ito titigas kung hindi mo pinaglaruan.” — PUSO
“Ayoko ng maging second choice.” – Letter B


Boy and Girl nag-uusap.
BOY: “Ang ganda mo naman.
GIRL: “Hihi! Hindi ah! Panget ko nga eh.”
Next day
BOY: “Ang panget mo naman.”
GIRL: “Tar*nt*do! G*go ka! Yabang mo kala mo kung sino ka! Baket gwapo ka ba? Kung makapagsabi ka ng panget ah!”


TEACHER: “Pedro,1+3?”
PEDRO: “Ma’am 4 po.”
TEACHER: “Oh ikaw Juan, 3+1?”
JUAN: “Ayan na! Ayan na! Walang hiya. Kapag mahirap saken tinatanong. FAVORITISM?!”


BABAE: “Mamang driver, ang bata po ba may bayad?”
DRIVER: “Wala pong bayad iyon.”
BABAE: “Pag nakakandong may bayad din po ba?”
DRIVER: “Wala nga po.”
BABAE: “Sige, anak, kandungin mo ako!”


TEACHER: “If you spend all your time sitting playing games on the internet, you’ll be fat and useless when you grow up.”
STUDENT: “Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!”


PANGIT: “Hoy bata! Ba’t ang sama mo tumingin?”
BATA: “Ikaw? Ba’t ang sama mo tingnan?”


SUCCESS

At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, it is having friends.
At age 18, it is having a driver’s license.
At age 20, it is having a girlfriend.
At age 35, it is having money.
At age 60, it is having sex.
At age 70, it is having a driver’s license.
At age 80, it is not peeing in your pants.


DAD: “Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?”
ANAK: “Yes, Daddy.”
DADDY: “Maka-Diyos?”
ANAK: “Sobra Dad.”
DADDY: “Nasaan siya?”
ANAK: “Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimisa!”


Apple Inc. has developed a new high tech toilet. The details are not yet clear, but the company is torn between two names for the new device.. Either the iPood or the iPeed.


QUESTION: What is a gay guy’s favorite place to work?
ANSWER: Manhole.


Dalawang lasing naglalakad sa riles ng tren…
LASING1: “Pre, ang hirap naman netong hagdan! Andaming steps!”
LASING2: “Hindi lang yan, pre! Ambaba pa ng hawakan!”


BOY: “Miss, may FB ka?”
GIRL: “Oo, bakit?”
BOY: “Add mo ko.”
GIRL: “Sure!”
BOY: “May BF ka?”
GIRL: “Meron, add kita?”


TEACHER: “How can we keep our school clean?”
STUDENT: “By staying at home ma’am!”


DIWATA: “Ano ang iyong kahilingan?”
PANGET: “Nakikita mo ang mapang ito? Dalhin mo ako sa bansang ito (New York) at sa babaeng nakalaan para sa akin.”
DIWATA: “Sorry, hanggang dito lang sa Pilipinas ang powers ko, iba na lang ang hilingin mo.”
PANGET: “Sige, maging normal na tao ka na lang at pakasalanan mo ako.”
DIWATA: “Patingin nga ng mapa na yan, at baka magawan ko ng paraan!”

—000—

“Cause I had the time of my life. No I’ve never felt this way before. Yes I swear it’s the truth. And I owe it all to you.” – Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes

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